the start of the first week

so kory has been gone for four days now.  i've done about all i can in our room to make things comfortable and comforting to me.  i printed pictures, bought frames and hung some up, placed others around the room.  bought a corkboard and a calendar and have started counting down the days, marking off my trip to see him in march with major fanfare - colors and stickers.  i've been keeping myself busy, too.  a little studying, a little tv, whatever.  i cleaned today, and cleaned everything.  searched for curtains and rods that fit the general scheme of the room.  went shopping the other night, and bought some fab organizers for the bathroom and desk to make life simpler.  and now, i'm about out of things to do.  kinda sucks now, the obvious quiet.  it's hard not hearing from him much at all, very few texts, no call yet.  even the dog misses him.  spends her time in her bed or under his desk, looking toward the door, waiting for him to walk in at any moment.  393 days to go until his deployment is over.  just gotta keep telling myself that i can do this! <3

time marches on

so a new year already.  wow!  the year has started off fabulously... still with the boyfriend, and still in oakmont.  i really, really love this little town.  i hope to stay here for a little while at least.  the winter has been so, so cold though down here by the water.  rediscovered yoga... and the importance of relaxing and still taking time for me.  really enjoying some down time with the pup and kory, just enjoying the joy of being.  kory will be deploying very soon.  i was hoping this day wouldn't come so soon, but in a way i'm glad it has.  the sooner it comes the sooner he's home again.  and like he says, the time flies, "long days, short months".  i really appreciate him telling me that, it seems to have helped a little.  and after all, who can resist a man who will share his coveted gummy bears with you?  i really admire him for what he does.  i am so, so proud of him.  and the sweetest thing?  he bought me "i <3 my soldier" and "1/2 my heart is in afghanistan" stickers for my car.  love it.  purchased my flight, hotel and rental car for his pass before he heads overseas after this last bit of training.  looking forward to some warm weather for sure.  going to use the "me" time to reflect on school, work, and forget about all the unimportant tidbits.  going to visit friends, family, and spend time putting together the most awesome care packages ever!  gummy bears, and all :)

i can't believe it's june already.  where has half the year gone?  so many changes for me this year already.  moved out of the house i shared with my ex.  living with a friend... and my boyfriend.  i know, right? didn't expect it to happen this way, but i'm rolling with the notion that when you know, you know.  roxy is here with me too.  we enjoy our walks by the river.  our new place is just a few houses up from the allegheny river in oakmont.  very beautiful.  she enjoys splashing and swimming in the water at the public boat ramp by our place.  i enjoy watching her get high on life.  feeling like i have truly found myself with these kids that are my best friends in the world.  never before have i felt so free to just be me.  loving it.  living it.  here's to a fabulous summer!  oh, and the picture... that's dolly, as we have named her.  the deer we found while driving to lunch through wilkinsburg one day.  hope she made it home safe!

let this be our little secret

so march started off a little rocky, but i think i'm feeling pretty good about things now.  i ended my long-term relationship and have rediscovered the fun me.  the awesome me.  the outgoing me.  the romantic me.  the intriguing me.  the friend me.  the kinky me.  i kissed a beautiful guy and had a blind date, of sorts (you wouldn't believe this story...).  neither of which amounted to anything, but felt amazing.  it feels good to be alive again.  it's indescribable at times.  i've been taking these evening walks that are doing wonders to clear my mind and help me relax.  and help those hot jeans look good on me!  for the first time in a long time i can say that i feel like a million bucks.  and i have realized that i don't need anyone by my side to make me feel that way.  nope.  i think i'm pretty darn great all by myself.  (ty shawn and jonathan)

never have i ever..

made some awesome eggplant, zucchini, and (fake) mozzarella sandwiches the other night.  out of this veggie cookbook my mom got me for xmas.  vegetarian planet by didi emmons.  i think they have become my new favorite thing.  could probably eat them daily and be in heaven.  speaking of heaven... school is flying by rather quickly this semester.  the rest of my life, though, not so much.  bahhh.  relationships... liking people... so frustrating.  i am totally pining for this boy, and wondering what that means about where i am right now.  and worse yet... i opened my mouth and told someone.  i knew what i was doing when i opened my mouth, and now i deserve the outcome.  i feel like i'm pushing my own buttons lately, just to see how much worse it can get.  but i already know the answer.  so ok.  right?  ok.  rise against is playing in columbus, ohio in may and i may just have to leave this world behind to escape to ohio for a while.  any takers?

so good, so far

starting off the new year with a total bang.  enjoyed a vegan dinner of SoyBoy ravioli and marinara, which was absolutely fabulous.  spent some of my lunch hour today at the East End Food Co-op shopping and relaxing.  membership at the Co-op is perhaps one of my best investments ever.  finding that i really enjoy the Amy's line of burritos.  and have rediscovered veggies.  i forgot how super hummus and fresh cut veggies is as a snack.  settling in for the evening to watch the Biggest Loser.  nothing motivates me like this show.  didn't overdo it at the gym yesterday, so i'm not feeling too sore today.  excited to start kettlebells.  wish shawn could train me, cause he is also very motivating.

cheers!

yet another year has come and gone.   as i'm getting old(er) i'm finding time passes by me faster than ever before.  it's very much a wtf moment when i stop to think about it.  one of my resolutions - to not stop and think about it so much.  don't get me wrong.. thinking is a fabulous thing.  over thinking is very unfabulous.  i spent the past year finding myself, and learning that it really is okay to stop living life for other people.  i have come to find that i have no one to please but myself, and that i will always be my harshest critic.  or at least the most honest one.  i think this is the first new year where i feel comfortable in my own skin.  whatever shape this skin takes.. i'm going to roll with it.  so here's to a happy, healthy new year.